New Dear Shandy, The A B C random advise column

Let us combined our thoughts and share our advise


Let us combine our thoughts and share our advise:

Anonomyously, since I do not ask for your name, email  nor for you to join a club…

Dear Shandy will no longer answer your questions (unless you want advise in a private email from me…let me know)

Once again, I want to REACH OUT to random people and listen to what they want to say!!! Not too much success so far, nevertheless…

A: Send your dilemmas to the link below

Dear Shandy….ask a random reader

B: I then will post it on my home page firstly under latest.

  • A custom feature photo or sketch will introduce your problem.
  • You may want to send me your own visual description of your question at

C: Readers will then enter their advise in the comments. 

Threads will be unlimited but monitored by me.

You will then also be able to reply in the comments or send me an email in private


The Psychological Manipulator

Gradually, he/she destabilizes you by small demeaning criticisms…

The Psychological Manipulator seduces you QUICKLY!the manipulator

By hiding his/her true personality, quickly he/she aims to sweep you off your feet. Off guard for whatever reason, you can become his/her victim! 


Beware of the signs:


Gradually, he/she destabilizes you by small demeaning criticisms

After, he/she sows strife around you by creating distortions about your surroundings…he/she aims to isolate you from your entourage to gain control over you.

And finally, he/she makes you feel guilty… then you are ashamed and end up losing yourself.



Dementia….In today’s world we can Google it!

BUT NO! I do not want to Google, Bing or Yandex it. I do not feel the need to understand or find ways to cope with loved ones or prevent this… I do not want statistics neither. 😦

I just want to cry…about this. I am inconsolable.

My dad was no longer the man that had a lifetime of insight to share with his entourage. He was a man that needed great care to remind him where he was going, or where his spouse went set out to a few moments before he forgot… 

I wish my dad would have had the chance to be himself in his last years on earth. He could have only gotten old physically in his later years? IThe hardest part about his dementia is that he knew it and was unhappy and often ashamed about being lost. I can only hope that now he is free to be proud of his lifetime accomplishments and forget his recent setbacks.

Now mom, I saw my dad slowly slip into dementia…now mommy dearest! She lost her husband recently and is quickly losing her mind now. Is it DEMENTIA or is it GRIEF?

20180410_203800I wish my mom was still my mom because I miss her. Sadly, she does not miss me!

My mom says she loves me but half the time she can’t remember my children.  She used to be the greatest grandmother. When I visit she never talks about good memories only distorted stories of past set backs or she gossips about people in her past. Last week, my mom reminded me that when I was born, my dad was disappointed because I was not a boy. I had heard this story about his “dream” of having a boy all too many times in my youth! I had made peace with my dad for this years ago. What’s wrong with her?

My mom was not always my favorite parent and was a difficult person to deal with for many people, especially waitresses and co-workers…but she never the less was my best friend! She taught me that I can walk down unbeaten paths while keeping my head up high. She was my cheerleader no matter how hard times were, she was always by my side.


I only wish I could be of some comfort for my mom now that dad is gone, but my presence disturbs her. I had always imagined that in the end we would enjoy our last moments together.





Dear Abby where are you now…

Human beings are social beings and often depend on others to fine-tune themselves


Dear Abby,

As a young girl, I loved reading your column. I rarely related to the troubles your writers had, but still I was facinated by their desire to seek your help. I pondered your responses and thought about how I would have answered. I found it amazing: your  idea of lending an ear to strangers and letting them feel less isolated…through your wise words.  You cared about these people.Abigail Van Buren

Back when the world was much smaller (before social media) you gave troubled people hope!

Although,  your success was based on feeding the nosy people of our society!

I do believe that gossiping can provide some help to troubled people by giving them the opportunity to compare themselves to others.

This helps them find clues to where they fit in society.

Is gossip really part of human nature? Yes!!!

“Human beings are mostly social beings and often depend on others to fine-tune themselves.”

Sincerely your,



Often I do not understand verbal conversations

“No comment” breeds mystery I thought.  But people wondered if I was smart and shy or maybe just dump or boring.

  • October 6, 2017

“Often I do not understand verbal conversations. In the past, I have therefore kept a silent attitude among the general public.  “No comment” breeds mystery I thought.  But people wondered if I was smart and shy or maybe just dump or boring. In school, most just thought I was just boring… Later I noticed people at work would give up on listening to me, because I have an awkward way of expressing myself. Frustrated, I learned to watch from a far. And then when I finally wished to step up, I clumsily would get real mad, real easily.  My kids often told me to calm down.  I would then smile and let them know I will work on my temper. Inside I was happy to be able to say what I wanted to say, I was making myself heard and I was starting to feel alive. My kids were right though to tell me this because being constantly mad is very hard on your health.  I eventually learned to pace my self. Today, I stay clear of explaining more complex ideas. I keep it to myself and write about it later…. At work, everyone knows me as the girl that emails instead of picking up the phone.” Kathy J.