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M. Friend

This is my FIRST request for advise


Dear Shandy
All the girls I like say they don’t want to go out with me because I’m more of a friend than a boyfriend. 
Is it because they value our friendship or are they trying to let me down gently because they don’t want to hurt my feelings. Am I just not boyfriend material? 
I’ve worked to have this friendship so they like me, and I like it but I would really like to be boyfriend material too.

Yours truly,

Mr Friend

This is my FIRST answer

Dear Mr Friend, 

If women (girls?) are always keeping  you safely in the friend-zone consider yourself lucky to have so many friends. However, know that, with very little exception, ‘more of a friend’ means that they aren’t feeling it sexually for you. If that’s ok with you, then continue doing what you’re doing. If, on the other hand you want more from a relationship with a woman, you may consider doing the following:

  • Continue to be reliable and considerate, but DO NOT be a push-over – push overs are not sexy!

(What is a push over? Someone who agrees with everything, appears to have not opinions of their own, is needy for approval and out of weakness and desperation, tolerates poor behaviour from the other. Never ever find yourself in this position with the person with whom you want to have sex.)

  • Be interesting; have something to smart or insightful to say.

  • Be funny – laughter relaxes and puts women in the mood.

  • Be an active listener. That means you listen intently while she is talking and not just waiting for your turn to talk. This is a hugely important part of a successful relationship.

  • Stand for something; have substance. Have character. Be strong but not aloof.

  • Do something difficult, challenging or heroic. For example, organize a fund raiser or run a marathon or volunteer.

  • While being reliable and steadfast is awesome, being boring and predictable is not. Change things up a bit. Be able to talk on a variety of topics. Have more than one or two interests.

Women tend to have sex with the bad boy because they see him as strong, independent, exciting and maybe just a little dangerous.

Women tend to settle down with the nice guy because they see him as a safe bet for a reliable, protective and supporting long term partner.

 If you want to blow the competition out of the water, incorporate the qualities listed above into who you are. Then let your inner bad boy out in bed 😊




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