Sad W

Keep in mind that foreplay begins way before you get into bed. You can’t expect your lover to be Adonis or Aphrodite in bed, if you’ve spent the afternoon complaining to him about items he forgot on the grocery list or that she overcooked the casserole.  If you want a creative, exciting, loving sex-life then you have to be creative, exciting and loving outside of the bedroom.

dearDear Shandy,

I used to be exetremely attracted to him but his sexual habits have come to bore me. He has this kind of routine, which I have tried to playfully get away from, but with no results! and this drives me crazy!

Step1 is always for my pleasure. At first that was exciting and I thought rare. Now that I fell in love with him. I want to do the same for him. But NO! he gets turned off. I get insulted. Step 2 is rarely NEW and EXCITING…Step3 😦 …in the end I never  feel intimacy? but still smile and hope he will one day want to work with me…

Althought I love my partner and he is my best friend, he is a wonderful partner in life: loving, faithful, responsible….I can’t stand it no more! I need advise because this does not make sense!

Sad W

Dear Sad W,

Ok, so the quickest way to extinguish your lover’s libido is by telling them what they are doing wrong during lovemaking. That is, unless  they are wearing a dog collar and you wielding a whip. In that case, fill your shiny thigh length boots!

Chances are that if the quality of communication between a couple is poor outside of the bedroom,  then, intimacy (sex), will also suffer. Intimacy between couples is, after-all, the ultimate form of communication. If your lover bores you in bed, then, it is quite likely that they will also bore you outside of the bedroom. Keep in mind that foreplay begins way before you get into bed. You can’t expect your lover to be Adonis or Aphrodite in bed, if you’ve spent the afternoon complaining to him about items he forgot on the grocery list or that she overcooked the casserole.  If you want a creative, exciting, loving sex-life then you have to be creative, exciting and loving outside of the bedroom.

Here are four must haves in any healthy relationship:

  1. Be patient and kind with each other’s weaknesses and foibles, we all have blind spots and do stupid things from time to time. Yup, you’re no exception. Lovers should be each other’s safe haven; a shelter from life’s storms.

  2. Actively listen when the other speaks. Try to understand their point of view in an argument. Be open enough to give their side of things respectful consideration, as you would like them to do for your point of view.

  3. Never, ever, harbour resentment, bitterness and secret hurts. Left long enough, these unresolved emotions end up poisoning a relationship, often to a point beyond repair. SPEAK UP at an appropriate time, and express yourself in the most loving, respectful and truthful way that you can. You need to be able to trust that your partner will hear you with a loving ear.

  4. Watch your body language; when talking to your partner, never walk away or look at your phone. Make eye contact. You LOVE this person! Show them they are important enough for you to stop what you are doing and look them in the eye.

 Also, try these tips to get the creativity juices back into your sex life.

  1. Be attractive! Make an effort to look, smell, speak and act your best and notice and complement your lover when they reciprocate that effort.  Ditch all your ugly pyjamas you’ve been wearing for years because they are ‘comfy’. Come on! Think sexy!

  2. Flirt, tease and touch your partner often. Let them feel appreciated.

  3. If you want to try new things in bed, the best time to bring that up is outside of the bedroom.

  4. A playful whisper in their ear, “ I’ve been thinking about how hot it would be if we….’ . Knowing that you’ve been having naughty thoughts should get your partner in the mood to try something new.

  5. Delve into your imagination both in and out of the bedroom. What would make you hot, happy, and wanting more? Ask your partner the same and be open minded and generous without compromising your values or self-respect.

If you give all of this an honest try and your partner’s sexual creativity is still as stale as last years’ fruitcake, then you may consider couples counselling or perhaps even finding someone more adventurous.

Sincerely,

Shandy

 

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Today, Tomorrow, perhaps Forever perhaps Never…

In today’s world of technology, we have too many distractions. We get lost in endless changes in society. Everything presented to us, seems to be the way to go…No need to express our ideas…everything is out there. Been done and nothing you say is new?  Taking time to write can seem useless.    

In today’s world of technology, we have too many distractions. We get lost in endless changes in society. 

Everything presented to us, seems to be the way to go…No need to express our ideas…everything is out there. Been done and nothing you say is new?

Taking time to write can seem useless.

But if the need to express your ideas, create fiction or guides (how to’s), organise events or tell a tale is still strong within you.

Then here is my advice to you:

bart (1)

  1. Write it down in your own way, don’t think about the outside world. Just go for it.
  2. The next step to expressing your thoughts is to be understood. If you write something with too many spelling mistakes, what you want to say gets lost, because the reader can’t understand. Google basic grammar tricks, and use the dictionary…. or have it corrected for grammar mistakes with the help of a friend (not a negative or stupid acquaintance)
  3. Also think about creating an audio version of your work. You may be surprised
  4. And finally, share it.

But beware, even proper spelling will not make your ideas be understood by all…. not all people have the ability to comprehend.

Example:

Bart tells his dog “Please stop misbehaving, be a good dog or else my dad will send you away…..” the dog hears “bla bla bla bla”. Bart is saying something important to his dog, but the dog can’t understand this and continues to be a nuisance. The dog is not judging Bart nor is he uninterested, he just can’t get it!

Homeless

I don’t have much knowledge about the homeless. But I do want to talk about this, as most people are, I am sad when I see people struggling and want to help.

I sometimes can give change. This morning I went to the corner store to get cigarettes, it was pouring rain and cold. I saw an old man sheltered under a very narrow storefront roof, crumpled up in a fetal position he covered himself with odd clothing that he seemed to have got from a garbage container. I gave him change and a smile.

I listen, often it is hard to understand what troubled people mean and then I just smile.

Sometimes I don’t like their stories…One lady told me about how she used to be rich and had everything she wanted. She started doing cocaine all the time… then her rich husband found a younger woman and dumped her. She never worked and never had to worry about finances. After her divorce, she quickly became sick and was unable to work… I suppose she did not have a chance to get alimony…

A man in his fifties approached me to ask if he could do some yard work or something to help. He said he is too old to sleep outside in the cold. He needed $40 to sleep in a shelter, that price is outrageously expensive, shelters should be free.  Although I work I had no means to help him. I thought of inviting him to sleep in my home, but then I realized that even if he was a nice man, this may bring me trouble. I do not know if he has enemies or if he will tell others that or not so nice. We may also become friends and I would feel sad and try to help him. I can barely make my own ends meet.

The other day I was listening to a man living on the streets that was explaining how he can not get wellfare because he has no address and he can not get a job because he has no telephone or other means of being contacted.

I like the following CBC report that suggests more gouvernment help and support would cost less to tax payers. I especially like the idea that we can do more to help….homeless does not have to be hopeless!

http://www.cbc.ca/player/play/2392534037/

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/30-000-canadians-are-homeless-every-night-1.1413016

 

M. Friend

If women are always keeping  you safely in the friend-zone consider yourself lucky to have so many friends. However, know that, with very little exception, ‘more of a friend’ means that they aren’t feeling it sexually for you. If that’s ok with you, then continue doing what you’re doing. If, on the other hand you want more from a relationship with a woman, you may consider doing the following:

This is my FIRST request for advise

Capture

Dear Shandy
All the girls I like say they don’t want to go out with me because I’m more of a friend than a boyfriend. 
Is it because they value our friendship or are they trying to let me down gently because they don’t want to hurt my feelings. Am I just not boyfriend material? 
I’ve worked to have this friendship so they like me, and I like it but I would really like to be boyfriend material too.

Yours truly,

Mr Friend

This is my FIRST answer

Dear Mr Friend, 

If women (girls?) are always keeping  you safely in the friend-zone consider yourself lucky to have so many friends. However, know that, with very little exception, ‘more of a friend’ means that they aren’t feeling it sexually for you. If that’s ok with you, then continue doing what you’re doing. If, on the other hand you want more from a relationship with a woman, you may consider doing the following:

  • Continue to be reliable and considerate, but DO NOT be a push-over – push overs are not sexy!

(What is a push over? Someone who agrees with everything, appears to have not opinions of their own, is needy for approval and out of weakness and desperation, tolerates poor behaviour from the other. Never ever find yourself in this position with the person with whom you want to have sex.)

  • Be interesting; have something to smart or insightful to say.

  • Be funny – laughter relaxes and puts women in the mood.

  • Be an active listener. That means you listen intently while she is talking and not just waiting for your turn to talk. This is a hugely important part of a successful relationship.

  • Stand for something; have substance. Have character. Be strong but not aloof.

  • Do something difficult, challenging or heroic. For example, organize a fund raiser or run a marathon or volunteer.

  • While being reliable and steadfast is awesome, being boring and predictable is not. Change things up a bit. Be able to talk on a variety of topics. Have more than one or two interests.

Women tend to have sex with the bad boy because they see him as strong, independent, exciting and maybe just a little dangerous.

Women tend to settle down with the nice guy because they see him as a safe bet for a reliable, protective and supporting long term partner.

 If you want to blow the competition out of the water, incorporate the qualities listed above into who you are. Then let your inner bad boy out in bed 😊

Sincerely,

Shandy