Dementia….In today’s world we can Google it!

BUT NO! I do not want to Google, Bing or Yandex it. I do not feel the need to understand or find ways to cope with loved ones or prevent this… I do not want statistics neither. ūüė¶

I just want to cry…about this. I am inconsolable.

My dad¬†was no longer the man that had a lifetime of insight to share with his entourage. He was a man that needed great care to remind him where he was going, or where his spouse went set out to a few moments before he forgot…¬†

I wish my dad would have had the chance to be himself in his last years on earth. He could have only gotten old physically in his later years? IThe hardest part about his dementia is that he knew it and was unhappy and often ashamed about being lost. I can only hope that now he is free to be proud of his lifetime accomplishments and forget his recent setbacks.

Now mom,¬†I saw my dad slowly slip into dementia…now mommy dearest! She lost her husband recently and is quickly losing her mind now. Is it DEMENTIA or is it GRIEF?

20180410_203800I wish my mom was still my mom because I miss her. Sadly, she does not miss me!

My mom says she loves me but half the time she can’t remember my children.¬† She used to be the greatest grandmother.¬†When I visit she never talks about good memories only distorted stories of past set backs or she gossips about people in her past.¬†Last week, my mom reminded me that when I was born, my dad was disappointed because I was not a boy. I had heard this story about his “dream” of having a boy all too many times in my youth! I had made peace with my dad for this years ago. What’s wrong with her?

My mom was not always my favorite parent and was a difficult person to deal with for many people, especially waitresses and co-workers…but she never the less was my best friend!¬†She taught me that I can walk down unbeaten paths while keeping my head up high.¬†She was my cheerleader no matter how hard times were, she was always by my side.


I only wish I could be of some comfort for my mom now that dad is gone, but my presence disturbs her. I had always imagined that in the end we would enjoy our last moments together.